Preparation before asking for a divorce can help the discussion move smoothly and may help set a more relaxed, cordial tone for negotiations and other proceedings. Spouses often react poorly or emotionally to a request for a divorce. Planning what to say during the conversation may help the spouse who wants the divorce to remain polite but firm in their responses.
Talking about divorce in the right setting and at the right time allows the couple to focus on the discussion without distractions. It is helpful for children to be out of the house since this will give parents some privacy. In addition, the spouse seeking divorce may choose to wait until stressful situations subside if either spouse is dealing with ongoing personal or professional problems. People who have a history of anger issues or aggressive behavior may react violently. Discussing divorce in a public place in cases like this may help prevent a violent outburst and keep both people safe.
Spouses may be confused or surprised by the request for a divorce. They may demand marriage counseling, ask for a second chance or otherwise try to sway their partner’s decision. People who are considering asking their spouses for a divorce should reflect beforehand on whether they would consider any of these alternatives and remain committed when the time comes to discuss divorce.
People whose spouses ask for divorce are usually angry or hurt and may become argumentative, blaming their partner for the problems in the marriage, shouting or using hurtful language. Although it is difficult for people to remain polite when someone is yelling at them, it is often beneficial to refrain from laying blame and shouting back at the person.
Discussing feelings in an honest but calm and rational way can encourage the other person to do so as well. When both parties in a divorce approach the situation in a respectful manner, the process often runs more smoothly and may allow partners to continue being civil to one another. This is especially beneficial to children, who may be distressed when their parents continue to fight even after the divorce is finalized.
Although there is no correct way to ask for a divorce, it helps to consider one’s partner and their feelings when rehearsing what to say and how to say it. Making these considerations can improve the mood of subsequent divorce proceedings and help maintain a courteous relationship after the process is finalized.